ME.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum

Beginilah seorang Rabiha. Mencari-cari teman sejati tapi tak nak RUSHING, seolah-olah EMOTIONAL UNAVAILABLE. Lepas dah belajar untuk kawal emosi dengan baik sehingga dah buang segala ATTACHMENT pada orang, seorang Rabiha ni jadi lain plak. Emotionally KOSONG. Dah tak kisah siapa pun yang nak datang dalam hidup dan rasa nak pergi daripada diri saya. 

You cannot make someone happy if you are not happy with yourself. That's why I want to make myself happy and contented with myself first. 

I am trying to make myself happy and feeling contented with myself rather than hope other people to do that to me. Now, I really LOVE MYSELF and I fully ACCEPT who I am. Kalau dulu selalu rasa takut orang tak menerima diri ini, tetapi sekarang saya belajar agar saya yang terlebih dahulu menerima diri saya. 

The journey is not easy. Banyak kali BERGADUH dengan diri sendiri just to LET GO of the past yang menyakitkan. Improving myself to be a better person especially in controlling my emotions. I don't put hopes on people anymore. I don't care how you want to carry yourself with me, I don't put any expectations as I did before anymore. I learn from my past mistakes that I need to be STRONG, BOLD, LET GO OF MY FEAR, and ACCEPTING them for who they are.

Hanya orang yang tersakiti sahaja akan menyakiti. Itu yang saya rasa kerana saya sangat tersakiti, down selepas kena reject menyebabkan self-esteem saya jatuh and it is the time to bangkit balik. I will not stop anyone to be my friend but that does not mean I already choose you. 

Other things that I learn is we cannot force people to like us back just like we care and love them. Just let them go, be strong to really continue our life and our journey in this dunya. The first step is very PAINFUL but I always tried to motivate myself because I know I have a very strong mind except it is just not balance with my emotional things. 

I am still trying to be myself and do not afraid to be around boys/men. Maybe due to my past trauma, I have fear with men. I am afraid to approach them and takut sangat kalau mimik muka mereka berubah dan marahkan saya.

I think I have overcome it. I don't care about others. I should focus more to myself. The past hit me really hard. 

Now, it is my journey to baiki diri saya yang dulu penuh dengan ketakutan. May Allah ease this journey of understanding myself and  truly accepting who I am. I should appreciate myself more and don't see myself as lacking. Keep becoming orang yang MENYENANGKAN orang lain. Smile and be HAPPY. 

Be a good optometrist that sincerely help people to see better. 

LOVE,

BIHA